April 21, 2014

Day of Temptation

I woke up this morning to discover an unfamiliar, perplexing white box on the kitchen counter. It appeared to be a box that came from a bakery - they just have that image - but was completely unlabeled. Of course, I had to open this strange container that appeared overnight... Okay, that's an exaggeration. Obviously, we know my roommate brought it home after I retired to my lair for the night. Anyway, I opened it to find this... Really, I didn't think twice about it and shut the box and continued to make my [paleo] breakfast and carry on with my day.
This ended up being the story of my day... the last day of classes for my first year of law school. Maybe this means that I was naturally supposed to "celebrate" today, or maybe it means I really should have talked myself into skipping all classes for the day as I tried really hard to to do but was ultimately unsuccessful. Instead, I actually did my hair and got dressed. For those who don't know me well (like a friend in my class who automatically [and correctly] assumed I had a lunch meeting because my hair was done), this hasn't been an everyday thing lately because I'm either coming from the gym or plan on going to the gym which means I use the excuse to be in gym clothes all day... cutting back on laundry and water usage, right? #resourceful
I wore what would have been my "Easter dress" today since yesterday was spent in sweatpants studying all day.
So, my lunch meeting was cancelled which made for more study time. Lunch went well, meaning it was paleo. I snacked on celery, sunflower butter and raisins and continued to my afternoon class. Afterwards, we had a potluck get-together with a professor from last semester. Thinking in pantry purge terms and not having time to make anything, I brought two bags of popcorn from the non-paleo shelf of the pantry and popped them using the microwave on campus... genius! Well, I thought it was at least. I was [secretly] hoping someone would bring something for me to snack on while we socialized. That didn't happen. A friend ordered Papa John's; the professor brought cupcakes; a friend brought jellybeans and homemade macaroons; and, other items included pita chips and Pepsi.

I was fine about everything, except the macaroons. My inner baker had to try one because they're one thing I've never attempted to make, just because they seem so complex that I don't want to ruin their mysteriousness by trying and ultimately failing to making them. I ate a little tiny one, and it was wonderful. I really didn't feel bad about it because I really considered this a business decision for my baking ventures. I need to be educated on products in the trade. ;)

On to the next stop of my not-so-productive-at-all day: Mock Trial Banquet. As I entered, there was almost a shining light in the corner, near the water that was emanating from the table... a Smallcakes box. I never knew what Smallcakes was until a friend's birthday earlier this semester, post-paleo which was my first "cheat" and left me with a stomach ache after the equivalent of 1/2 of a cupcake. Well, that was a mistake.

Today was very eye-opening... apparently I have a weakness for Smallcakes cupcakes, and donuts don't phase me, even Donut Kingdom donuts - I later found out that's where the mystery donuts on my counter are from. After the successful day I had of withstanding temptation, I caved. Not "caved" as in "I had a small bite." No, "caved" as in, I completely collapsed and had 1/2 of each of these glorious creations...
Remember the "Not Worth It..." post? I stand by that 100%, and I debated for about 2 hours (up until I hit the "Publish" button on this post in 5 minutes) whether or not I'd tell you about this. But, my ultimate decision was to be honest. I'm not better than any other paleo out there who's human and who has weaknesses that can sometimes cause momentary lapses of judgment. And, I think that's important. I'm not here to pretend anything... This blog is for me to share my paleo journey with you and to hopefully provide insight or motivation or just a tip or trick for living paleo. Included in that are days like today.

Although, I'd argue that this falls under the last category of situations where it's a life-or-death situation and completely necessary... Here I go with that argument: I won't ever buy myself one of these magical creations. How else am I ever supposed to get one? Okay, argument over. Reality: Obviously, if it was the last one on Earth, I'd buy it. But, are you judging me? Do you think I'm a hypocrite?

I'm going to go with the assumption that the answer is "No." because we tend to be more lenient on others than we are on ourselves. Likewise, I turn that back on you... If you're not judging me for eating a cupcake, then you shouldn't judge yourself in the event that you cave and do the "unthinkable." Who cares? You didn't just commit yourself to failure or to never being paleo again. You're still paleo the moment you swallow the last bite. Am I telling you this, or am I really trying to convince myself? Sometimes indulging is necessary. Go for it. Just don't make it a habit. For those of you who are judging, go ahead. You're better than I am. But, I did pass up a donut, cupcake, jellybeans, popcorn and Papa John's. I do have willpower. It's those dang Smallcakes.

For those of you wondering, I noticed my digestion system having to work extra within 20 minutes, and I now have a headache. The effects aren't as bad as I imagined, but that doesn't mean they won't get worse.

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